His last few minutes <3
I don't even know where to begin. This is not going to be like the other posts, it's actually about a dog that I had gotten when I was 6 years old. He was a Golden Retriever named Dakota. Dakota was always a big family dog with a heart of gold. Maybe that's why they have "gold" in their name. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 Breast Cancer when I was in 5th grade and Dakota was the first to know that anything was wrong. He never left my mom's side and when she would leave the house Dakota would cry until she got back home. It seems that he always had a 6th sense and knew if anything was wrong, even if I was locked in my room, crying, he would come wait at my door until I let him in and cried to him telling him what was wrong. I know dog's don't understand English, but I am 100% positive that Dakota always knew what I was talking about. Throughout my mom's battles with cancer (She got diagnosed when I was 3 months old and has relapsed 5 times) Dakota was the one I confided in and cried to when I didn't know if I was going to lose my mom or not. Dakota always knew how to comfort me and about two years before he got sick and passed away of cancer he would always lay by my bedroom door. If I left the house, Dakota would go up the stairs and lay in front of my door as if he was protecting it. If I was in my room, Dakota would be in my room with me, laying in front of the door, once again like he was protecting me and my room from any danger. After two years of this, I got used to feeling very safe and protected. And up until the day he got sick, even with his bad hips, he would struggle up the stairs to be with me and protect me. He sometimes would miss a step and fall down the stairs, but only to get up and try again. I always told Dakota my fears and worries and he always made them disappear. Just looking into his eyes, he would tell me that everything would be okay. That nothing was ever going to hurt me because he was always looking after me. On May 10, 2010 I had to make the hardest decision that I will ever make in my lifetime. The decision between keeping my best friend on this earth or letting him go to heaven where he could finally be free of all his pain. Dakota had cancer and it was only 24 hours before we put him down that he started to show any signs of pain. I feel as though he was holding off showing any pain because he didn't want to leave me. I know that Dakota would never let me be put in harms way and he knew that when it was his time to go live with the Heavenly Father that I would be safe. He knew that I was strong enough to go through life without him. Dakota knew that Patrick would be there to keep me safe, he was a human version of Dakota. It's like the Heavenly Father sent Patrick to me so that when it was Dakota's time to go, I would feel like I had a piece of Dakota in Patrick. Dakota knew that Patrick would take care of me, just as Dakota did when he walked this earth by my side. My mother was diagnosed once again in October of 2010 and I couldn't believe that Dakota had left me. I didn't think I could make it through my mother's cancer without him, after all throughout every one of my mother's cancers I only had Dakota. I never had another human to help me through the tough times. I realized that Dakota really did know best, he knew that Patrick was going to take care of me. And he did. I made it through her cancer and I have made it three years without Dakota, but sadly each day that passes doesn't get easier and tonight is a prime example of that. I miss Dakota just as much as I did leaving the vet's office after letting Dakota go. I feel an overwhelming sense that something is wrong. I feel that Dakota knows something and he is coming to me, trying to warn me. Trying to protect me. I don't know what's wrong, if anything, but it's nights like these that I know Dakota is still right by my side every step of the way. This is by far the hardest post I will ever write and I sit here writing it, tears running down my face, his collar in hand and cuddled up with Dakota's favorite stuffed animal, 'goosey'. Although Dakota is now living with the Heavenly Father, he is still living forever in my heart and forever walking by my side through thick and thin, helping me overcome any obstacle that is thrown in my way. I miss you and love you, Dakota. Rest easy my love. |
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